Deep touch

Bob Woodward had "Deep throat" to thank for bringing about the eventual downfall of Nixon. I think I have found my equivalent, "Deep touch" (also sounds like a dodgy porn movie, I agree).

I decided late yesterday afternoon to treat myself to a trip to a sauna/swimming pool nearby. As I sauntered out of the changing room in my towel, I felt I had entered a film script.

Steamy rooms were filled with men whose stomachs spilled out over their towels. As flabby bodies oozed sweat and power, I could hear mutterings of Presidents and Politics.

Outside the saunas, the men would gather in groups ignoring coquettish women in bikinis who flounced their hair and obliging laughed at all their jokes. I recognised a face and then realised it was the Minister of Hydrocarbons chatting with a lawyer from Exxon Mobile.

The only thing missing was someone in a rasping voice saying "Luis, heez causing too much trubble. Its time to tek him out."

I decided to go the whole hog in terms of decadence ($10) and book myself a massage in a side-room. As she started to unknot the tension in my back, I found myself telling her about all sorts of irrelevant bits of my life. Words flowed as muscles relaxed.

It suddenly occurred to me that she probably has the same effect on people with a lot more to say. I asked her who her most famous client was, and she admitted that it was Carlos Mesa, the former President who used to visit her every Wednesday. "He was even tenser than you are in the final weeks before his resignation," she said.

"I guess you know many secrets," I replied. "Yes," she laughed, "but I am not telling you."

Clearly I will need a few more weeks of regular massages before Deep Touch opens up, but when you start reading articles about "sources close to the President" you will realise how close I really mean.